The Song - Jaded - by Black Heart
I am finding it very difficult to express myself again. I sit down to write and nothing comes. I decide to look for provocative (non-erotic) images that may illicit some emotional somersault that will birth self-expression, but find none. I contemplate particular abusive situations that have historically been very effective generators, yet they produce nothing. Am I complaining? No Way !!!
In an odd way, life is better now than it ever has been. I will not pretend to be "over" my childhood, but I can honestly say that I am recovering and recognizing growth. I want to savor this moment of accomplishment, knowing it will be a relished memory and a principle learned in the days to come.
I have been spending allot of time at the studio, both recording myself and mixing others. I love being there. There is a certain vibe in that room that I have never felt anywhere else. I have a couple of new songs that I am working on, but the one I feel led to share tonight is a reflection of my realization that many, many people have felt the devastating effects of child abuse. It's called Jaded.
Jaded
When I lay me down to sleep
I pray my dreams don’t make me weep
For innocence I could not keep
I’m jaded
There comes a time in every life
To reconcile the pain inside
I never knew the reason why
Now I know
I’m jaded
I’ve been degraded
Humiliated
A life masqueraded
Assimilated
Alienated
So jaded
Passing people on the street
The smiling face they flash at me
Can’t hide the stain of history
They’re jaded
In every face I see a trace
Of hidden tears of trust betrayed
I slowly turn and walk away
‘Cause I know
They’re jaded
They’ve been degraded
Humiliated
A life masqueraded
Assimilated
Alienated
So jaded
Hiding in your darkened door
Won’t make the pain stop anymore
Like the thousand times before
You’re jaded
Four out of five silently cry
A multitude who live the lie
Can’t deny the pain inside
We all know
We’re jaded
We’ve been degraded
Humiliated
Our lives masqueraded
Assimilated
Alienated
Intimidated
Invalidated
Obliterated
Jaded
©2005 Fishspit Music
When I lay me down to sleep
I pray my dreams don’t make me weep
For innocence I could not keep
I’m jaded
There comes a time in every life
To reconcile the pain inside
I never knew the reason why
Now I know
I’m jaded
I’ve been degraded
Humiliated
A life masqueraded
Assimilated
Alienated
So jaded
Passing people on the street
The smiling face they flash at me
Can’t hide the stain of history
They’re jaded
In every face I see a trace
Of hidden tears of trust betrayed
I slowly turn and walk away
‘Cause I know
They’re jaded
They’ve been degraded
Humiliated
A life masqueraded
Assimilated
Alienated
So jaded
Hiding in your darkened door
Won’t make the pain stop anymore
Like the thousand times before
You’re jaded
Four out of five silently cry
A multitude who live the lie
Can’t deny the pain inside
We all know
We’re jaded
We’ve been degraded
Humiliated
Our lives masqueraded
Assimilated
Alienated
Intimidated
Invalidated
Obliterated
Jaded
©2005 Fishspit Music
-b
posted by Black Heart at 8:41 PM
4 Comments:
Thanks for that. I feel the need to say, again, how sorry I am that you went through that. No child should ever have to experience that violation of their innocence and vulnerability. My prayer for you is that you be able to grow past it, and in fact, some day be able to use it to comfort others, as 2 Corinthians chapter 1 promises we will. God Bless. Sue
That is a really great song! My email wasn't lip service or flattery... it really is good. If I thought it sucked I would tell you (but I'd find a nice, tactful way to say it!!)
Blackheart, this is some realy powerful stuff you're putting out there and I hope you'll keep it up. I wish you blogged more, but if you're having a fab time in the studio... so be it! I'm happy for you!
Oh, and I also wanted to say that I'm thrilled for you that you see improvement in your recovery. Sounds like you're working pretty hard at it, and it's showing. Thanks for sharing that part of your journey. Sue
your song is awesome!!!
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